Todo sobre mi madre
by Sandbags-McGhee
Summary: First fanfic, please be kind. Santana and Brittany are no longer together, and Santana is struggling to cope.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

It had all been OK. While she still had Brittany it had all been OK, she could deal with it. The funny looks, the snarky comments, the weekly slushy to the face. The other Cheerios being so careful in the locker rooms, hiding behind towels when they used to flounce around naked and not bat an eyelid. And the oh so humorous graffiti that had started to appear on her locker – "Satana Lezpez", "Captain Queerio", "Rug Muncher". Then there are the notes stuffed in to her locker – these veer between the pornographically obscene to the religious ones about her being smote down and burning in hell. But when she had Brittany, it was all water off a duck's back, she could give a shit. One smile from Brittany, and none of it mattered, she was invincible.

But that was before. Before Brittany had given her the speech – "I love you, but I'm not _in_ _love_ with you. You deserve someone who can love you back just as much. Someone who can give you everything you need. You're so special, so beautiful, you're my best friend, but I just can't go on like this. I can't keep hurting you…" She couldn't remember her reaction with any clarity – she remembered feeling like she'd been kicked in the gut, she remembered screaming, crying and begging. She knew it hadn't been dignified, to say the very least.

So here she was, 4 weeks later, still crying herself to sleep at night. Brittany was back with Artie, she seemed happy, she wanted to still be friends. But Santana couldn't look at her, couldn't bear to be in the same room. She felt like a ghost, wished she was a ghost, so no one could see her, no one could pity her, no one could laugh at her. She felt so embarrassed – she'd declared Brittany to be the love of her life in front of the Glee club, sung that fucking stupid song, only to be dumped on her sweet ass mere days later.

So, she had quit Cheerios and she'd quit Glee. She just existed now, dressed in black, going to class, trying to be invisible, trying to keep it together and not end up in the end stall crying her eyes out. Like right now. "Pull your shit together, Lopez" she chided herself. She was already 5 minutes late for class. Again. "Come on, you can do this."

Inez Lopez pulled in to the parking lot at William McKinley High School. It had been quite some time – maybe 5 years?

When the boys were still at school she had been called in to meet the teachers and the principal so often she had thought she deserved her own reserved spot in the car park, but since the boys had graduated and gone on to college, she hadn't been obliged to come to school for a "chat".

Her youngest child and only daughter Santana was a good student, she got mostly A's and B's, she was captain of the cheerleading squad and a member of one Glee club or another. She'd even had a part in the school musical this year, although neither she nor Miguel had managed to attend a performance. So Inez had been surprised to receive the call from Figgans' secretary asking her to come in for this meeting. Miguel couldn't get away from the hospital for this one, so she was on her own. As she approached the once very familiar principal's office, she idly wondered whether Figgans had changed much in the intervening years. Was he even balder? Had he put on weight?

She entered the reception area where the school secretary sat and introduced herself. The secretary had changed at least – this woman was new. She noticed that there were several people already in Figgans' office, so she made to sit and wait, and was surprised when the secretary ushered her right in, "They're ready for you."

"Mrs Lopez, thank you so much for coming in today," Figgans gushed. He hadn't changed one iota. "Please sit down." He indicated a chair to the right of his desk – they were now sitting in a little circle. Inez began to get a _bad_ feeling about this meeting.

"Mrs Lopez, please let me introduce Will Schuester who runs our Glee club here at McKinley." Figgans indicated the handsome youngish man sitting opposite her- he nodded and smiled. Santana had talked about him. "And of course you know Sue Sylvester, our Cheerios Head Coach." She knew Sue, everyone knew Sue Sylvester. "And this is Emma Pillsbury, our Guidance Counsellor". Inez Lopez gave a quick smile to the petite redhead to her right – "What possible guidance could she give, she looks about 12" she thought, but kept her mouth firmly closed.

"Mrs Lopez, we've asked you to come in today because we are all concerned about Santana, " Figgans kicked off.

"Concerned? Why?" Inez asked.

"Her recent grades have not been as good as we've come to expect from Santana, and she has been late to class 8 times in the last 3 weeks." Figgans gave her a pitying look that set her teeth on edge.

"We all know that this has been a very difficult year for Santana, what with her struggling to accept her sexuality, and then that campaign advert, " Schuester continued with assurance where Figgans had left off.

"Her sexuality? What are you talking about? Campaign advert?" Inez was bewildered.

"She said that she had come out to you and Dr Lopez?" Schuester seemed less confident now.

"I don't understand what you're talking about, are you telling me that you think my daughter is a lesbian? Why are saying this? What is this campaign advert? Show me it!" Inez Lopez had lost her temper, something she thought she'd learned to control over the years since she grown up and moved away from Lima Heights.

"Mrs Lopez, please try to remain calm, we are all here because we want to help Santana," Figgans condescended.

"Show me it now!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry, I'm new to this, so I guess I should have put all the disclaimery stuff in the first chapter about not owning these characters. Nothing belongs to me.**

**"Todo sobre mi madre" means "All about my mother" (I hope - I don't have much Spanish beyond booking a hotel room and ordering vino tinto). The title refers to my favourite film by Pedro Almodovar and also to the fact that Mrs Lopez is a major part of this story.**

* * *

><p>Inez was well aware of her ability to dominate a room, and was not surprised when Figgans, Schuester and the insipid Miss Pillsbury began to flap about, turning Figgans' lap top to face her and opening up YouTube. Sue Sylvester, meanwhile, sat perfectly still, with just the hint of a smug smirk on her face. Inez would have been happy to assist her to remove said smirk, preferably with the aid of a baseball bat.<p>

The advert lasted mere seconds, but left Inez with a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. She felt tears prick at her eyes, but there was no way she would break down in front of these people.

Sue Sylvester broke the silence, "Mrs Lopez, I want you to know how responsible I feel about this. My campaign for senator was very negative, and I think I helped provoke this reaction."

Inez held up a hand, "I don't care to hear excuses. Why did you not tell us about this? Who told this man these lies about my daughter? You call me in here when my daughter is late for class a couple of times, but you don't call me when something like this happens?" Inez looked round all the members of the cosy little circle for the answers to her questions.

"We felt like Santana needed to be the one to talk to you and your husband about this," Schuester offered unconvincingly.

"She's 17 years old, she's a child. You think she knows how to deal with this?"

"Mrs Lopez, I know your daughter very well, and really she seemed fine after the advert aired. Her friends in the Glee Club were supporting her and she said that you and her father had reacted well to her coming out. It's only been in the past few weeks since she split up with Brittany and quit Glee and the Cheerios that we realised she might be having a hard time with this," Schuester continued.

"Brittany? Dios mio!" Inez briefly sank her head into her hands before looking up again. "She quit the Cheerios? But she left the house with her uniform on today."

A short, but awkward silence followed.

"Mrs Lopez, it seems clear that Santana isn't coping with everything very well at the moment. What we'd like to do, as we originally planned, is to get Santana in here so that we can all sit and discuss things calmly and see what we can do to improve her situation and her grades." This was the obsequious and condescending Figgans she remembered.

"No. I'm not having my daughter brought in to a room to be intimidated by 5 adults."

"Mrs Lopez, it's not about intimidating Santana, but about us all being here to surround her with support," Figgans went on.

"No! Let me tell _you_ how this is going to go, if I may. I am going to take my daughter out of school now, and we are going to go home and have a long talk. She will not come back to school until I know she is ready. I will call you later in the week to make an appointment for my husband and I to come in to tell you what _we_ have decided."

"Mrs Lopez, Santana is in a very vulnerable state at the moment. I think it might be a good idea for you and her to maybe sit down with Miss Pillsbury…"

"Mr Schuester, if my husband and I decide Santana needs to speak to someone professionally, then we will arrange that privately. I am taking my daughter home now." Inez stood up. "Can someone bring Santana to me? I'll wait outside of the office here."

Inez left the office, passed through the reception area, and stood in the corridor, trying to maintain her composure. She folded her arms across her chest and held her head high.

* * *

><p>Santana was having an OK time in her math class when Schuester interrupted and asked her to gather her things and go with him.<p>

"What's going on?" she asked as she left the class.

Schuester sighed. "Santana, your mother came in to school for a meeting because we've been concerned about you."

"Why are you concerned about me? I'm fine."

"No, you're not…Santana, I need to tell you something. We showed your mom the campaign commercial. She knows about you now. You said you had spoken to your parents."

"I did. It's fine."

Panic began to rise in Santana's chest and she wanted to run. What she had been dreading and expecting for months had finally happened and there was nothing she could do now. Except face the consequences. She straightened her shoulders and walked with Will. When they rounded a corner and she made eye contact with her mother her resolve failed and her façade cracked. Tears began to roll silently down her cheeks.

* * *

><p>Inez took one look at her daughter and she knew that it was all true. Santana looked pale and skinnier than ever, and there were dark circles below her eyes. How could she not have noticed?<p>

"Santana, come on, let's get your things, we're going home to talk."

They set off down the corridor and Santana sped up as she approached her locker and tried to open it quickly so that her mother couldn't see the things that had been written on it. But Inez closed the door over and slowly took in the words that covered it.

She turned to Will Schuester who had followed them here.

"Get someone to clean this crap off of her locker. If they can't clean it off, you get them to replace the door. Do you hear me?" She was yelling now, her ability to maintain her composure deserting her.

"Yes, ma'am," Will nodded. "Santana, you still have my cell phone number, right? You know you can call me if you need to?"

"Santana! Come on!" Santana simply looked at Will then meekly followed her mother who was striding towards the exit.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The drive home had been silent apart from a brief phone call from Inez to her husband's cell phone where she left a message telling him to come home as soon as possible.

"Come on," Inez motioned for her daughter to follow her in to the living room. She sat on the sofa and patted the space next to her, "Sit."

Santana sat next to her mother, her head slumped, looking at her knees. Inez slid closer to her, lifted her chin with a finger and then took Santana's hands in hers, their knees touching. She pressed her forehead to her daughter's. " Talk to me, baby. Tell me everything."

Santana opened her mouth to speak, but no words would come. She began to cry, loud sobs wracking her body. Inez pulled her in to her chest and held her tightly as she wept, kissing the top of her head.

"It's OK, baby, hush, it's OK, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. Just speak to me, tell me what's going on."

"I…" she began, but the words still would not come, just more tears. "I want to tell you, but I can't make the words come out, " she said between anguished sobs. "The words keep sticking in my throat."

"Take your time, baby, just breathe."

Santana tried to control her sobs, but she couldn't seem to stop them.

"Do you want me to ask you the question? Would that make it easier?"

Santana nodded against her mother's chest.

"Santana, are you a lesbian?"

"Yes," Santana's body was once again wracked with sobs as she held tightly to her mother, "Yes."

Inez pulled her daughter tighter and closer to her and rocked with her as she wept, tears trailing down her own cheeks. "It's OK, darling, everything is OK. I love you so, so much, my precious girl, and nothing will ever change that. Nothing."

* * *

><p>After several minutes, Santana spoke. "I'm so sorry, Mami, I'm so sorry. I should have told you before."<p>

"No, baby, I'm the one who is sorry. If you ever questioned my love for one minute or thought that this could change anything, then I'm sorry, because I haven't shown you enough just how much you are loved. You should never have to doubt how much we love you."

Inez pulled back and looked in to her daughter's eyes, "Why couldn't you tell me, baby?"

Santana shook her head, "I don't know exactly. I wanted to, but when I told abuela…" Tears overtook her again.

"You told your abuela? What happened?"

"She…she told me to get out of her house and that she didn't want to see me ever again. She said that it was a sin to talk about it out loud and to make her uncomfortable. And I thought if she could just reject me like that….she always told me I was her special girl, and I thought if she couldn't love me anymore…I don't know. I just got too scared to tell you."

"I'll deal with that woman, Santana, she had no right to treat you like that." Inez lifted her daughter's head which had drifted down again. "Did she?…When Papi brought the Christmas presents over there wasn't one for you. You said she gave you money?"

Santana shook her head. "I haven't seen her since November."

"That old bitch! So Monday nights when you go see her?"

"At first I was just hanging out at Brittany's house. Now I just go out in my car."

Inez seethed inside, ready to do battle with her mother-in-law.

"Mami, I'm scared of what Papi will say."

"Your Papi? Santana, your Papi thinks that you are the centre of the universe and that the sun, the moon and the stars all revolve around you. When you were born and Papi delivered you, I thought he would never pass you over to me, he wept like a child. I mean, he loves your brothers and he shed a tear when they were born. But… but he always wanted a little girl, and he fell in love with you the minute he set eyes on you. And, Santana, that's never changed, and it will never change. You're the apple of his eye."

"But he always says how I'm like you and that I'll meet my future husband at college like you did and that I'll get married and have 4 kids too. He talks about giving me away at my wedding. I think he'll be disappointed in me."

"Oh baby, we all say things like that and we all have dreams for our children, it's just how parents are. We make all sorts of plans for them, and don't consult them. But, honey, it's the dream that's wrong, not you. Anyway, who says you won't marry your college sweetheart and have 4 kids? So, he won't be giving you away to a husband, maybe to a wife?"

Santana smiled. "I don't know. Will you tell him for me?"

"If you want me to."

"Thanks, Mami. Thank you for everything." Yet more tears spilled down her cheeks.

"Come here." Inez pulled Santana in for another squeeze. "It's all going to be OK. We're going to get you through this together, and I want you to be as proud of you as I am, because, you are a beautiful, smart, talented, wonderful girl, and nothing else matters. OK? You are my special girl."

"OK", Santana nodded in to her mother, and then let out a big yawn.

"Tired, baby? It's been a big day. And you must be exhausted from carrying that secret around with you. I'm going to help you with it now, OK? You don't have to carry it around alone anymore." She kissed her daughter's hair. "Come on, honey. Lie down here on the couch and I'll get you a blanket, and you can take a nap for me, OK?

Santana nodded, lay back on the couch and allowed her mother to tuck the blanket around her. Inez stayed with her, gently rubbing her head until she fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Miguel Lopez walked into his living room just after 4.30pm. His daughter lay asleep on the sofa and his wife sat on the floor below her, her back leaning against the sofa. She had been crying.

"I came home as soon as I could," he said quietly. "What's wrong with my girl?"

Inez looked up at him and shook her head, "Nothing, she's perfect exactly the way she is."

She reached out her hand to her husband and he helped her to her feet. They both went through to the kitchen. Inez's laptop was lying open on the kitchen table. Miguel sat down at the table, Inez stood with her back to the counter, her arms crossed over her chest as if hugging herself.

"Where do I start? The meeting at school was because they're concerned about Santana - they say she's been late and her grades have fallen. They were all being so goddam sympathetic and saying they knew she was having a hard time, struggling…struggling with her sexuality. And they showed me this video."

Inez played the campaign advert for her husband. He remained silent.

"Santana is gay, Miguel." She sat next to her husband and took his hand. "OK?"

Miguel exhaled slowly, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, she told me. Miguel, you need to be OK with this, Santana _needs_ you to be OK with this. I _need_ you to be OK with this. So, if you have any issues, you need…you really need to just deal with them in private, because our little girl in there is almost broken and she needs us to just love her and be there for her. OK?"

Miguel looked a little shell shocked, but nodded his head. "OK, it's OK. I…I didn't see this coming."

"I didn't either, and I feel like the shittiest mother in the world. She's been carrying this around with her for god knows how long and I didn't even notice. What kind of mother am I? My daughter's been in pain, and I didn't have a clue – the school noticed before I did."

"Hey, don't blame yourself, sweetheart."

"I don't just blame myself, I blame you too, Miguel. We're her parents, it's our job to know what's going on with her and we both were just asleep on the job. You know, Julio was 17 when I went back to work full-time. Santana was only 12. What was I thinking?"

"Girls mature faster – you were still dressing Julio when he was 8, Santana was picking her own outfits and dressing herself before she was 3. She's just always been so independent and wilful – it's hard to know what's going on with her - you only get to see what she shows you."

"No, Miguel. We should have known, but we've been too absorbed in our careers, working too many hours. I should have been there for her more, instead of leaving so much of it to your fucking mother…" Tears fell again down Inez's cheeks. "I'm going to cut my hours, be there for her until college. Make up for lost time."

Miguel pulled his sobbing wife close to him. "OK. It will all be OK."

"She was scared to tell us, Miguel, worried we would reject her. How did we get it so wrong?"

"Please, honey, hush. We'll fix this, OK?"

"I think she's being picked on at school because of this – there was stuff written on her locker. And, take a look at the comments below that video. What's wrong with people?"

Miguel pulled back from Inez and took hold of her face, looking directly into her eyes. "We're going to fix this, do you hear me? Santana has us, and we're going to support her. We'll sort things out at school and we'll be here for her at home. OK? She has us in her corner now and we make a pretty great team." He pulled his wife back in to him and rocked her back and forth for a long while.

* * *

><p>"Does Santana…does she have someone special?" Miguel asked his wife once her tears had subsided.<p>

"Brittany." Inez stated simply." I don't know the details - I'll talk to her about it. But, I think they split up. I think your daughter is nursing a broken heart."

"Brittany?"

"Yes. Don't think about it too much. I've already been thinking about all their sleepovers – just don't let your mind go there."

"OK," Miguel chuckled lightly.

Inez sat up straight and rubbed at her face and exhaled. "Right. Now, I am going over to see your mother and tear her a new one."

"My mother?"

"Yes, Alma. Santana came out to her, Miguel, and that stupid old woman told her to get out of her house and never to come back." Inez shook her head. "How could she do that? Do you know she didn't even get Santana a Christmas gift? Bitch!"

Inez stood and picked up her purse and coat. "So, I'll go have a chat with your Mami, then I'll go to Breadstix and get some take out. I'll get Carbonara for Santana, what do you want?"

"Don't bother, Inez."

"I'm sorry, Miguel, but I will not be able to sleep until I have given your mother the full benefit of my opinions. I have to go yell at her. I have to."

"No, I meant don't go to Breadstix. I'll cook La Bandera, Santana loves that even more than Breadstix."

"OK" Inez smiled at her husband and leant over to kiss him quickly. "Thank you."

"It's been a while, but I think I still have the knack. You know, I make it better than my own mother, don't you?" He smiled at his wife.

"I know, but we're not telling her that secret. I might be able to talk her round about Santana, but I don't think that's a blow she could take."

* * *

><p><strong>FYI - I think I read somewhere that Santana's grandmother is from the Dominican Republic and Google tells me that La bandera is a typical Dominican meal - apologies if Google is lying to me.<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Santana woke up on the sofa just after 5.30pm. She found herself alone in the living room, but could hear muted cooking noises coming from the kitchen, accompanied by a fantastic smell.

Santana padded in to the kitchen to be confronted by the unfamiliar sight of her father chopping vegetables and tending to a large pot on the stove – he was wearing her mother's apron over his shirt and tie and suit trousers. She had been expecting her mother, and was uncertain what would happen now. She took a deep breath, "Where's Mami?"

Her father looked round, "She's gone to speak to my mother, something about tearing her a new one." He smiled and raised an eyebrow at his daughter.

"So, are you coming over here to give me a hug?" Miguel held his arms out to Santana.

Santana walked over and was enveloped in the strong arms of her father. "I love you, Papi."

"I love you, my angel. You'll always be my little girl. OK?" He pulled her in closer, "OK?"

Santana nodded against her father's chest, tears spilling down her cheeks. "Thank you, Papi."

"It's nothing, darling. Everything is going to work out fine, you know that? Your Mami and I will always be on your side and all we want is for you to be happy, so please just be happy, my angel." Miguel pulled away from his daughter slightly and brushed the tears from her cheeks. "You know that each and every one of your tears is precious to me, angel – please don't waste any."

"OK, Papi." Santana smiled and wiped her face with her hands.

"So many tears - you must be dehydrated. Sit down at the table and I'll get you some juice."

Miguel poured 2 glasses of orange juice, passed one to Santana and sat down opposite her. Santana took a long drink.

"Are you really OK with this, Papi? With me?"

"Yes. I mean, I had no idea, but it's OK, it's good. I was thinking about it while I was chopping the vegetables for dinner – do you think that maybe it makes me a little bit cool? To have a gay daughter?" He smiled at Santana. "And maybe one day I'll have an extra daughter?"

"Maybe one day, Papi. I hope so." Santana felt another warm tear slide down her face.

"Hey, what did I tell you about those tears? From now on, only happy tears for you, OK?"

Santana nodded. "What's for dinner? It smells real good."

"I'm making your favourite, La Bandera. Actually, I'd better check on it." Miguel walked over to the stove and gave the large pot a good stir. He started chopping vegetables again.

"Do you need any help, Papi? I could set the table."

"No, absolutely not. Why don't you go upstairs and have a nice hot bath? I'll call you when dinner's ready if you're not back down."

"OK, Papi." Santana went over and kissed her father on the cheek. "Thank you. I love you."

"I love you too, angel."

* * *

><p>Inez took a deep breath and counted to 10 before ringing her mother-in-law's door bell. She felt even the momentary calm this afforded dissipate as she spied Alma walking down the hall to answer the door.<p>

"Inez? To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Inez ignored the heavy layer of sarcasm Alma employed. "We need to talk about Santana. Can I come in, or should we just get into it here on the porch?"

"Come in."

Inez followed Alma through in to the kitchen and the older woman gestured for her to sit at the small kitchen table.

"So?"

"So? So my daughter is no longer welcome in your house? Is that how it is, Alma?"

"Yes, that is what I want. She had no right to come here and talk to me about these things. It is selfish of her to want to make me uncomfortable – we don't talk about this where I come from. It's not polite to speak of these things in to the open."

"Not polite?" Inez was incredulous. "You would prefer her to live a lie? Or to hide the truth from her family? Pretend to be someone she's not? Is that what you want, Alma? Your granddaughter to live with the weight of this secret on her shoulders, always afraid that someone will expose the lies she has to tell? Who's being the selfish one here, Alma? Not Santana, she's just trying to be honest with the people who are supposed to love her the most."

"You can't sit here and tell me that this is the life you want for your only daughter? I know my son has done nothing to deserve being betrayed like this."

"Your son loves his daughter, Alma, and she has never betrayed him. And you're right, this is not what we dreamed of for Santana, but surely all we would ever really want for our children and grandchildren is for them to be happy? So if being with a woman is what will make my daughter happy, then that is _exactly_ what I want for her now."

"What about my happiness?" Alma shouted. "How can I be happy when my beautiful granddaughter is living a sordid life?" Inez was shocked to see tears on her mother-in-laws cheeks – the old woman hadn't even cried at her husband's funeral. "She was always my special girl and now I have lost her. Maybe it would have been better if she had never been born."

"How can you say such a thing? Santana loves you so much, and she just wants you to love her back for who she really is." Inez was yelling now, and took a moment to calm herself before continuing. "You know, you were the only one she told, Alma. She loves and admires you so much that you were the one she thought she could trust. And you are the one who has betrayed her, Alma, not the other way round."

Alma responded in a quiet voice, "I miss my granddaughter, but I cannot accept this, Inez. This is not who she really is or who she should be."

"Well, the choice is yours, Alma. You can be a part of our family or not, but being a part of our family means loving all of us for who we are, and you don't get to pick and choose. If you reject Santana, you reject us all. It's that simple."

"We'll see. I will speak to my son about this."

"He may be your son, Alma, but he's my husband and Santana's father, and I know where his heart is in this."

Inez got up to leave, but turned to face Alma once more. "Please, think about what you're doing and what you are giving up here, Alma. Santana loves you so much, and she'll be heartbroken if you can't put your pride aside and accept her. But you have so much more to lose. She's a bright, beautiful, lovely girl and she'll do great things with her life that you won't be any part of. Think about that."


	6. Chapter 6

**The first 5 chapters just came pouring out, but this one's been much more difficult and I'm not very happy with it and it's a bit short, but I just need to get it out of the way to get where I'm going to...please bear with me.**

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><p>Chapter 6<p>

Santana lay in the bath and let the hot water soothe her. It dawned on her that this was the first time she had truly relaxed in…she couldn't remember how long. Today had been surreal, and had left her physically and mentally exhausted, but she really did feel like a huge weight had been lifted from her and she could breathe properly for the first time in a long, long time.

She had wanted to tell her parents so many times, planned to tell them, tried to tell them, but the words had always died on her lips. She'd allowed herself to imagine that they might not react too badly, but not in her wildest dreams had she thought that they would take the news this well. It felt so good to know that they still loved her and that they would support her that Santana once again found herself weeping, tears of relief running down her face.

* * *

><p>Inez came back in to her kitchen where she found her husband setting the table for dinner. "I got dessert," she said, holding up a pink box. "Where's Santana?"<p>

"Upstairs having a bath before dinner. How did it go with my mother?"

"Hmmm. Not as satisfying as I'd hoped – she started crying and I didn't really get to yell at her as much as I wanted to. She didn't back down, but I think maybe over time she might come round – you will have to talk to her and make it clear where you stand."

"Don't worry, I will." Miguel walked over and pulled Inez into a hug.

"I've told her that if she can't accept Santana then she doesn't get to be a part of this family and you need to back me up."

"OK," Miguel kissed the top of his wife's head, "Good. I'll go see her this weekend."

Miguel pulled back a little and looked into Inez's eyes, "How are you doing, my darling? Are you really OK with everything?"

"Yeah. I'm exhausted, but I'm OK. How are you?"

"Good. Very good, I think. The rice will be ready in 5 minutes, why don't you go and call Santana?"

* * *

><p>After dinner, Santana sat beside Inez on the sofa, her head against her mother's chest and cradled in her arms. In the background they could hear Miguel clearing up after dinner. It was only 8.00pm, but Santana could feel her eyelids becoming heavy and she attempted to stifle her third yawn in as many minutes.<p>

* * *

><p>Santana woke the next morning in her bed, her mother leaning over her, stroking her hair. Inez was dressed in her business suit and her hair was scraped back into a tight bun. She smiled down at her daughter.<p>

"Morning, sleepy head. How are you today"

"I'm OK…tired. What time is it?"

"7.30."

Santana made to get up, "Oh no, I'm going to be so late for school."

Her mother stopped her from getting up. "Santana, your Papi and I talked last night. You're not going in to school for the rest of this week," her mother told her. "You and I, we need to spend some time talking and catching up. I'll go in to work this morning and clear my schedule for the next few days. Papi doesn't need to go in to work until later on today, so you can stay with him until I get back. OK?"

"Yeah, OK."

"And, Santana, make him take you out for breakfast and then let him buy you a gift – you know it will make him happy. Maybe that iPhone you've been hinting at for your birthday?"

"OK," Santana smiled. "You know, this coming out stuff is not nearly as bad as it's cracked up to be."

"Not nearly, " Inez agreed. She kissed her daughter goodbye, "I'll see you later, sweetie."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

When Inez returned home from work she found her daughter and husband sitting at the kitchen table chatting and setting up Santana's new phone. Next to them on the table was a MacBook Pro, still in its box. Inez cleared her throat, looked to her husband and raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"She's going to need it for college anyway, and we thought it would be good for her to get used to using it now," Miguel attempted to justify, looking to his daughter for support. Santana kept her eyes glued to her new phone.

Inez just shook her head. "She has you wrapped round her little finger, Miguel. Right, you, go to work before you spend any more money. It's time for a mother-daughter talk about now, anyway."

"OK, OK, I know when I'm not wanted. I'll be home as early as I can." He kissed his daughter, then his wife, "Love you both. Have a good day."

When Miguel had left the house, Inez looked at her daughter, "So…I'll make us coffee and a sandwich and then we can go into the den and talk. OK?"

* * *

><p>Santana sat cross-legged on the large leather sofa in the den, facing her mother, her arms wrapped around her chest, as if to shield her from what was about to come.<p>

"Don't look so worried, Santana, I just want to make sure you are OK and there is some stuff I think I need to know."

"OK," Santana nodded. "What do you need to know?"

"Just, I guess, to start with how long have you known?"

Santana let out a long breathe. "It's hard to say. Somewhere inside I've sort of known for a long time, maybe when I was 11 or 12? But, I've only really admitted it to myself in the last year or so."

"Tell me more."

Another sigh, "I just, I've always found women more interesting, does that make sense? Like, what are they like, what do they do, where do they go? I never felt that way about any guys. I had kind of crushes on some of my teachers and like, say on ER, I was always much more interested in Abby Lockhart than I was in Luka, you know? With some women, not all of them, I just wanted to know everything about them and what they were like and stuff. But I didn't really know what that meant at the time and it wasn't really about their bodies or anything. Well, maybe it was a little bit, I'm not sure." Santana was surprised to feel warm tears spilling down her face. "I don't know why I'm crying."

"It's OK, you just need to let it all out." Inez reached out and took her daughter's hand.

Santana shrugged, "I don't know. Like I said, I think a part of me knew, but I wasn't really that conscious about it. Then the other girls at school started to get all silly about boys, and I could never really understand why, but I tried to fit in with them. So I went out with Paul Whitton, but I didn't really like him and I definitely didn't want to kiss him, but I just went along with it because that's what I was supposed to do."

Inez rubbed Santana's hand, "Go on."

"Well, I guess when we were about 14, Brittany and I started to kiss and stuff. At first I was supposed to be teaching her how to kiss properly, because I had done it with Paul. And after that it was supposed to be practicing for our boyfriends, but, it was much more than that for me, although I could never have admitted that to Brittany or to myself." Santana thought she had done all her crying yesterday, but there seemed to be no end to the tears flowing from her eyes.

"So, I guess it became more than kissing at some point?"

Santana nodded. "Yes. I mean, I always had boyfriends, and I was having sex with boys first, but I could never really understand what the fuss was about. I mean it was OK, but it never meant anything, I never really felt anything emotionally. But with Brittany, it just, it meant everything. And once I realised that, that's when I got scared, because I didn't want to be like that. To be gay. So, I tried to deny my real feelings and tried to be in love with whatever boy I was dating and to stay away from Brittany. But I never could. And I hated myself for it."

Inez shook her head. "So, when did you admit it to yourself?"

"Brittany started pushing me to talk about my feelings, but I kept fighting it. Eventually, she persuaded me to talk to a substitute teacher with her at school. She said something that made me just think about it for a long time. She said that sexuality isn't about who you're attracted to, but it's about who you fall in love with. And I was in love with Brittany. I still am." Fresh tears began to course down Santana's face and she broke in to sobs. Her mother pulled her against chest and comforted her.

After a few minutes, Santana continued, "But even then, when I knew, I didn't want anyone to know, I felt ashamed and embarrassed. I mean, I told Brittany how I felt about her, but I didn't want other people to know. I'm a coward – I didn't want people talking about me or laughing at me and making fun of me. So I still pretended to be interested in boys and I wouldn't let Brittany tell anyone about us. She wanted to, but I was too scared. I didn't want to be gay, I don't want to be different."

"Baby, can I ask you – why couldn't you talk to me or your dad? What did you think would happen?"

Santana shrugged and sighed, "I'm not really sure. I mean, I didn't really think you would kick me out or anything, but I didn't know what you would think. I didn't want you to be ashamed of me or for you to love me any less. I didn't want things to be different or awkward. But I really, really wanted to tell you both. I tried so many times, but I just couldn't bring myself to say it out loud. I don't even know if I can say it out loud now."

Inez stroked her daughter's hair, "Go on, say it for me now, Santana. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed, because there's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about."

Santana took a long deep breath. "I'm…" She shook her head quickly and took another breath. "Mami, I'm gay."


End file.
